Podcast #1: Christmas 2009

So, I'm about 5 years behind the trends here lol but I finally decided to suck it up and do a podcast. I would vlog instead only I can't stand my face on camera without a ridiculous amount of lighting and makeup and I just don't have the money for that *melodramatic sigh*.

*smirk*

Total Time:  13m04s

Things Mentioned in this Podcast:

• Bernard Callebaut Chocolates
• The Fourth Crusade: And The Sack of Constantinople (present from Dad)
• Sandisk Sansa MP3 Players (present to Alex)

Final Grades: An Update

So final grades went up on Christmas Eve but with all the family to-do I didn't check until last night at Dad's (more on that in another post very soon). All in all, I can't be too upset. I'm still pissed about the D in Intro to Libraries, but I passed so I can move on and that's what counts I suppose. I may just have to buy a hard drive that I can run WinXP in VR Machine off of so I can do all the Destiny/Mandarin homework next term because that laptop the school gave me is fucking useless (or rather, Help Desk is, but whatever).

Anyhoo! Final Grades for Term 1 are as follows:

• Human Behavior / Business Psychology: A
• Business Computing: A
• Intro to Internet: B+
• Non-Print Equipment for Libraries: B
• Business Communications: C
• Intro to Libraries: D

I'm really rather proud that, despite everything, I managed two A's and a B+. I could have crumbled. I could have cracked. I probably should have taken a couple weeks off in November like my Doctors and Councellors wanted me to rather than risk getting so close to the edge; but I stuck with it and even though they're not the greatest grades right across the board I did well and did it all without doing any harm to myself.

When you're a dissociative with S/I tendencies, that's a serious concern when stress starts to get to be too much.

Trust me.

So grades are in! I'm going on to term 2! I can rest easy and actually get some bloody sleep now, because this whole thing has had me so stressed out I haven't been able to in weeks and weeks.

*smiles*

Christmas Post #1

This is just a quick post to say that I had a fabulous time at my Mom and Stepdad's tonig---*looks at clock*--last night. Both sisters were there and there was more food than you could shake a stick at. I don't want to post proper about Christmas just yet though, because tomorrow we have more turkey going down at Dad's.

I did get to talk to Alex though when I got home (left Mom's around 1AM ... so if that's any indication, we ALL had a great time!). They were just hours away from flying off to the islands to see her Aunts. I don't know how I'm going to live without her for nearly three weeks. We tried it a couple months ago and we both almost went crazy lol. I hope she and her parents fly safe and don't drink the water and have a great time. I'm counting the days until I can call her again already. <3

So, anyhoo ... Christmas was awesome so far this year. All the sisters got along well. Called the God-Mum to and she was so happy to have had the chance to speak to all three of us (usually she just gets me cos the others still live with Dad).

Highlight of the Night:

I get into my cab at 1:30 in the morning and he turns around and gives me a big grin and goes, "Hey! You know? You're the first Caucasian person who can walk a straight line to get in my cab in the last 3 hours!"

So I responded, "Oh dear! You poor thing! *beat* ..... So does that mean I get a discount?"

He was such a nice cabbie, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm Aboriginal. ;)

Gallery Updated! (Finally)

Just updated the gallery with some new photos. The biggest changes are in Loved (added my other sister Torie and my #2 BFF Claudia), and Honeywine (added 4 new photos to the end). Also created a new gallery called Nostalgia A-Plenty with some old photos from the early 80's of me and my family (pictures of Dad! *gasp*).

I'm also contemplating taking down the Online Gallery because I haven't played Entropia in a dogs age; and to be honest, I'm not even sure Keda hasn't been deleted. *shrugs* Oh Well. It may stay up, it may not. Enjoy the new ones as mentioned above though. :)

Term 1 Grades Are In!

And I just realized that this site is still running out of the broken out-of-box back-end WYSIWYG and not JoomFCK. *shakes head* Just proof of how long it's been since I logged in here to do anything.

So yes, I have continued going to school. It's been hard, I won't lie. Between the BPD and the Agoraphobia, ramping up my "out in the world'ness from 6 hours a week to 6 hours a day (every single friggin' day) has not been easy. My immune system is practically non-existent at this point. I've had the same lung infection since October despite 3 courses of Antibiotics. I started losing time about 8 weeks ago and feel like I've been walking the edge of the precipice between borderline-functionality and rubber room hospitalization the whole 'effing time. I haven't been sleeping well (maybe 3 to 4 hours a night every 2 to 3 nights) and my stomach hasn't been holding down food either ... like ... at all.

My last exam was Wednesday so I have managed to rest (sleeping 16 hours at a time) and hold down some food since (2 meals, but I made sure they were well rounded), but I'm still hella-dehydrated and my immune system is wrecked. I can only hope that I'll be able to spend this break sleeping and eating and getting my reserves back up. I also really hope I can RPL (the new acronym for PLARing) this one course that is basically Frontpage 101 *crosses fingers*. The closer I can get to that 60% course load, the better.

A Dissociative-Borderline Agoraphobe with Permanent Disability Status should not be having to do 100% course load dammit.

And this last term, with 6 classes, I've technically been pulling something closer to 115% course load.

So the fact that I haven't had a total Dissociative Break yet is friggin' amazing.

Anyway ... my grades are in. Well, most of them. Business Communications and Computing aren't yet, but I have an idea of what I'm getting in both so that's okay. There's the over-achieving neurotic in me who is really pissed off that I didn't pull straight A's, but I have to keep reminding myself that this is my first term of full-time courses. I should be proud that I just made it through without an attempt or some serious SI or a Psychotic Break.

So, grades:

• I got a D in Intro to Libraries, which pisses me off cos I really liked that course but the Prof knows it wasn't my fault. My laptop is a lemon, Help Desk won't swap it out, and it crashes every time I try to run Destiny or Mandarin so there was no way I could get those assignments done.
• I got a B in Non-Print Equipment for Libraries, which considering how mind-numbingly boring it is to be taught about shit you helped to develop and considering how well I handle boredom and apathy isn't so bad.
• I got a  B+ in Intro to Internet, which is proof that Brian knows I know my shit (Brian is the Intro to Libraries Prof as well) and that Brian is an excellent teacher because I really ran the risk of being bored in his class too. An entire term of Boolean searching? Yeah, he knew I'd be bored but he was really awesome about it (and about the laptop eating 3 weeks worth of homework). I had 10% knocked off for the lateness, so in reality that Grade is an A. Go me!
• I got an A in Human Behaviour as well. There's very little to say about this course though because everyone, including the Prof, knows that it's a throw-away course. Still go me! I can still pull A's!

So that means that if I can pull an A in Computing it should off-set the D in Libraries, and from the preliminary marks Sherri gave me at the end of Exam on Wednesday I should probably pull a C or B- in Business Communications. I hate that textbook. Half the stuff it tells you is the absolute antithesis of Best Practice. It's really fucking annoying, but it's necessary so ................. *shrugs*.

At the very least, this means that I shouldn't worry too much about not passing into Second Semester.

I should be proud that I made it through at all. And that I made it through with 2 B's and an A so far? Well for that, I should be friggin extatic!

And so I shall try to be.

I'll update with the final grades when they come in.

Later Gators!

Um ... so long time no post

Sorry about that. Well ... okay so I DID post more between that last "YAY for IDA" thing and today but I've unpublished most of them cos ... well ... I don't see them as relavent at this point. There's a tonne to talk about though. Have to bring everyone up to date and all that.

It hasn't been easy going. Things got in the way. People became roadblocks. Steps had to be taken.

However I am happy to announce that - amazingly - it all worked out! *gasp* No seriously. I'm writing this from my Computing course at RRC Princess Street right now. lol That still sounds so weird! I'm in college. *rolls eyes*

Anyways ... I'll write more later.

Guess Whose Going to College?!

So, as I'm sure everyone knows I kind of live on a "fixed budget" as they say, which means that schooling beyond AEC (a great school btw, I need to give them a dedicated post some time) is sort of a tricky issue. I do have a few things going to my advantage: I'm poor, I'm diagnosed with a psychological disorder and it's on the books (this is good and bad, but good when it comes to free programs), I'm Aboriginal, I'm female and I live in the City Core. Honestly, since my divorce I've wondered if I was ever going to get a chance to get a higher education. You know .... re-train, get that much needed piece of paper, and have what I need to get a job I can handle with the Agoraphobia and the BPD and the Panic Disorder (I differentiate Agoraphobia from Panic Disorder cos the panic attacks can come even when I haven't had an Agoraphobic trigger hit me .... and it's a nice way of talking about the Disassociation without actually saying the word *shrugs*), get me off Disability and maybe give me a chance to build a good, financially solid life for me and the Honey-Cat. :)

So last year we had a woman named Jen come down to AEC and give a presentation for SEED Winnipeg (another great organization ... again, need to give dedicated post some time) and their savings programs. They have two: Savings Circle for people needing to save up a little money (up to $1000), and the IDA Program for people needing to save up some real money (up to $4000). They're both sort of money-matching savings programs ... like how EI works for farmers and the self-employed. They use Government and Donor funds to match your deposits into a locked savings account 3:1, so for ever dollar you put in they put in three. I was more interested in IDA because the max you can put in is $1000, which means a total of $4000.

And $4000 is 1 year's Tuition at Red River College.

I know that once I get into College there are other programs that will help me finish and I always make at least a B in all my classes, so getting Scholarships and Bursaries won't be hard either BUT it was that initial First Year's Tuition that has been standing in my way. So in August I signed up for the IDA Program ... or at least to throw my name into the hat for consideration. It was a first, last and only ditch effort cos if this hadn't worked out I really don't know of any other way I could have done it and kept up the momentum I'm trying to keep up even now with my upgrading. Agoraphobia is a tricky bugger you know .... it doesn't take much idle-time for you to start getting comfortable being a shut-in again and before you know it your life has screeched to a halt again and it's a bitch to get back out there. *frowny face*

Three weeks ago I went in for my first interview and I tried to be as honest with them as possible. Aileen told me in that interview I'd probably get a call within a week, but when I called last week she said they were still interviewing.

*worried face*

That was not good. That meant they had a LOT of applicants and there are only 50 slots every year. So I've been going back and forth between pins and needles and outright sobbing in desperation for the last 10 days. And then yesterday Fanny called me to tell me ....

*DRUMROLL*

I. GOT. IN!

So all of a sudden college is no longer a pipe dream. It is no longer an "if this works out" and "if that works out", it is a guarantee. I can register for the  course NOW, making sure I get on the roster for next year, and I will know that so long as I deposit every month when September 2009 comes around I will have my tuition, my laptop is included in the course, and I've already checked into the textbook list and there are a bunch I can download as E-books for a fraction of the cost of physcial ones. :) The course is at the Princess St Campus, which means I don't actually even need a bus pass ... in the summer I can walk and in the winter I can take a Downtown Spirit that drops me off less than a block away so busing will be FREE!

Suddenly I have hope. For the first time in a very long time. This is going to work. I'm going to go to college, get my diploma, and have a chance at building a good life for myself doing something I don't hate, and hopefully in a setting I can handle for more than 3 years at a time without meltdown. Just writing about it now is making me all happy-weepy *soppy grin*. You just have no idea what this means.

It means EVERYTHING.

:-D

 Coming Along Nicely

Well I'm glad to say the site is coming along nicely.

I'm still fiddling with the templates. Apparently Siteground was a little presumtious stating "Valid XHTML" on this template because for the life of me I can't seem to keep up with the errors. I fix one, another one pops up. Not cool. Granted a few of the errors have been in the code for the components and modules but most of them have crept up as I've added general content. :(  It is a brilliant template though and honestly I don't care all that much since the site views perfectly in Firefox and anyone who uses IE7 or earlier is just asking for it anyways. So long as it still views fine in Safari too I honestly don't care much about the W3 validation of this site save for the sake of LEETness.

I ironed out all the problems with the Weblog in the Dreamer section (that was a pickle and a half to figure out) and that's up and running nicely now. I've also added Basic Info and a Q and A page. Articles have started being added to the Magazine. So far its only a couple of reviews and an In Memoriam, but eventually I'm going to feel like adding all the old articles I wrote on the sly for but never got a chance to submit to CodeGrrl and that'll flush it out a little. For the near future I'm also going to try and write one new piece of content for the site every day. With school over for the summer and the expected date for finally getting an appointment with a new Head Doctor still months away I'm going to need something to keep me from going nut and climbing the walls.

I also finished the Gallery section. Fewer photos of me more photos of Honeywine and everything has been sorted and named. I'm quite proud of it actually. Its beautiful to navigate.

EDIT: OH! I also added a list of my DVD collection for anyone whose curious. :P

Graduation!

I finally did it!

Friday was my Grad ceremony and it was everything I ever could have wanted it to be. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, my make-up didn't slide in the heat, and nobody got messed on by the flock of seagulls hanging out in St John's Park. :P

My school friend Heather Wilson was one of the two Valedictorians and gave a great speech. John Simms was the other one, but we haven't had any classes together so I don't know him except to see him; however his speech was great too. We all got silver-plated key chains with "AEC GRAD - 2008" engraved on them and when it was all done the Ladies Auxiliary from Holy Trinity (beautiful Ukrainian Orthodox church where the ceremony was held) put out some truly awesome egg salad finger sandwiches.

After that my sisters, my Mom, my Aunt Barb and I all headed back to Mom's where Lance was waiting for my big 28th Birthday/Graduation Party. Lance did sirloin steaks on the Barbecue that literally tasted like medium-rare jerky, Mom made her famous potato salad and Barb bought me a DQ Ice Cream Cake with blue lilies and "ConGRADulations" scrawled across it. For presents I got a card from Mom and Lance with a promise of a real Barbecue of my own to be delivered soon (it's kind of hard to cart one of those home at midnight in heels without a car after all), and my Aunt Barb gave me the most awesome find from the local MCC:

Website Away

Well its finally happened. I finally have Mutable Dreamer online.

Only took a year. *smirks*

I'm still trying to iron out some kinks of course and I'll be adding content to the magazine section as we go. I have a bunch of stuff saved on txt files but its a long and boring process to copy them all over so bear with me. The Magazine section is actually the one I'm most excited about. All my old sites were all about the design and graphics and ... well .. basically me. The magazine section is much more about sharing information and ideas and opinions with people who visit this site rather than just waxing on about myself. :P

I'm still trying to figure out the rest of the sections. The Dreamer section is being a tad problematic, but I'm slowly ironing out all the issues. If you come across some wonky looking pages or pages that just aren't there at all that's probably just me working on them. Sorry! I'll get it up and running smoothly as soon as I can.

And that's about it.

Welcome to Mutable Dreamer everybody! To my friends: I know, its been a long damned time and thank you for your patience. To everyone else: please enjoy what I have here for you. I'll try to make it as entertaining and informative as I can.